She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
