okay pat passed out under dana's car
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
worst night to have a conscience
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Randomize
