nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
