umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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