I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
