I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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