R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
