How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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