I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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