i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
pop tarts are not kleenex
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
