I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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