theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
