i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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