just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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