With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
