Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
