the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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