Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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