i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
