he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
