I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
