Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
