Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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