somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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