I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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