Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
