i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
