You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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