the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
