She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
