thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
