He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
