I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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