Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
