my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
