i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Damn victory sex feels great
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
