A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
