I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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