Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
