We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
