cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
These tits shall not be calmed
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