just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
