At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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