why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
