some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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