i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
