i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
