Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
