I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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