My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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