goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
